Now, over ten years later, the current obsession is Netflix’s “You.” “You” tells the story of Joe, a stalker who obsesses over a doe-eyed beauty named Beck. Joe, unable to hold his love longer, eventually kills Beck and anyone who gets in his way of her. “You” shows us the world through Joe’s eyes, a world in which women who do not love him deserve to die, especially those stupid enough to live in New York City without curtains. Penn Badgley, who plays Joe, said that the show is about “how far we are willing to go to forgive an evil white man.” Perhaps the show’s self-awareness means that we should reject Joe as a romantic but crazed man and instead condemn his behavior. But that does not seem to be the case with most representations of serial killers. 

Zac Efron as Ted Bundy in “Extremely Wicked, Shockingly Evil, and Vile” is another example of the recent trend in the hot serial killer fantasy. The real Ted Bundy confessed to murdering at least 30 women, but the real number is unknown. While Ted Bundy is infamous and even gets his own biopic, the women he murdered are forgotten, buried in history. Instead, we memorialize him in our collective memory as a dangerously attractive man who was misunderstood and crazed.  

Nearly 75 percent of True Crime podcast listeners are women. Many women on Twitter, especially young girls, have been asking Penn Badgley to kidnap them instead, with others saying that Joe is a heartbreaker. When we amplify the voices and perspectives of abusive and dangerous men, those narratives and images trickle down into our society and our values. The fantasy of the hot serial killer is real because we have mythologized it in our history and through the media we consume. By casting actors like Zac Efron, Penn Badgley, etc., let’s face it, very attractive men, Hollywood executives create a fantasy world of submissive, easily preyed upon women and strong, attractive, so-in-love-with-you-they’ll-kill-you men. In this world, the only good girl is a dead girl, as Bitch Media writer Jennifer Chesak explains. 

If you Google the phrase “hot serial killer” right now, the first article is titled “9 Hot Serial Killers We Would Want to Slice Us Open.” While it may be fun to make jokes, the reality is that women are targeted by men for rejecting their advances and that nearly half of homicides against women are committed by intimate partners, usually men. In 2019, Sarah Butler, a 20-year-old woman, texted her date “You’re not a serial killer, right?” merely hours before he murdered her. He had killed three women prior. 

What about the 30 or more women that Ted Bundy actually murdered? What about their lives? Does anyone even know their names? Where are the stories of the women who survive, the women who fight against misogyny and win? In a culture that imprisons women who fight back and praises serial killers for their good looks, where are those stories? It is time to forget the fantasy of the hot serial killer. Instead, let’s celebrate the women who live long enough to tell their stories.

Last week, this column discussed the academic study of sexual fantasies, focusing on sex researcher Dr. Justin Lehmiller’s study of over 4000 Americans’ sex lives. This week, The Wellesley News reached out to students to ask them about their sexual fantasies, hoping to get a sense of whether Wellesley students match national trends regarding fantasies and to give students the opportunity to speak out about their fantasies. We asked about general and specific sexual fantasies, the most adventurous thing they have tried in the bedroom and if there is a fantasy they have always wanted to try but never have. We also asked whether students feel ashamed of their fantasies. From the results, we hoped to reassure students that their fantasies are common, even within the student body.

From the survey sent to the entire school, we had a sample size of 75 people who responded. Our results were very close to what Dr. Lehmiller saw in his national study. We saw that out of the 75 respondents, about 58 percent of Wellesley students indicated having had consensual non-consensual (CNC) sex fantasies and about 55 percent indicated having had BDSM fantasies. In national studies, it was found that almost two-thirds of women fantasized about CNC and 60 percent of respondents fantasized about bringing in some aspect of pain into sex. The results between Wellesley respondents and the national survey are not too far off. 

Besides the ones listed, there was an “other” option where students could fill in their own fantasies.  Common answers included group sex, public sex, role playing and sex with a professor. When speaking about BDSM and CNC, many students had different variations on what they liked in these sexual encounters. Many Wellesley students spoke about dominating their partners, being dominated by their partners, using restraints (or if unavailable using household objects as replacements), being “manhandled”, orgasm control/denial, pegging, worship, suspension play and sex in public (including against a window of a high rise hotel). There was even one respondant who wanted to “f**k a vampire or demon.” 

Within roleplay, the most popular fantasy were students having sex with a professor, maid, schoolgirl or even having sex with a professor and not being caught. Another mentioned was petplay, specifically kittenplay, where some people fantasize about being in a submissive/dynamic relationship where the kitten is cared for by their partner. Another respondent gave a detailed response on a fantasy that involves them as a “seductive female spy” flirting with a male interrogator which involved elements of BDSM and CNC.

One student said she often fantasized about a suburban sexual fantasy she had, where she played a housewife. Another specific fantasy from the survey was from a self-named Dom (short for dominant or dominatrix), who wanted to put her partner in a “cock-cage.” Pain and pleasure often go hand-in-hand when it comes to sex and sexual fantasies. A few respondents noted enjoying being choked, tied up or being spanked/whipped. 

When it comes to fulfilling these fantasies there were a variety of responses. Some students were successfully able to have group sex or threesomes or participate in BDSM or CNC with their partner(s). While others admitted that sometimes their partners had difficulty in fulfilling that aspect of the relationship unto them or that they were too embarrassed to bring it up. Several respondents admitted that they were virgins and have not participated in any sexual acts. This is important to consider because even though some individuals do not engage in sexual acts with another person, they still fantasize. (Hint: we all do!) 

When asked whether they are ashamed of their fantasies, Wellesley students had mixed responses. We were glad to see that many Wellesley students had no shame surrounding their fantasies. Many noted that “there’s nothing wrong with enjoying kinky things as long as you’re safe, sane, and consensual” and that “everyone has them.” Others were not so accepting of their own sexual fantasies. For those who indicated they had previously had consensual non-consent (CNC) fantasies or submissive BDSM fantasies, many admitted to intense shame around the subject. Some noted that “it goes against my feminism” and that “it feels disrespectful to people who have experienced sexual assault.” Another student said that “it seems like me wanting to be dominated might explain why some men think it’s ok to engage in aggressive actually nonconsensual sex” and another wrote that “I feel ashamed of my consensual non-consensual sex fantasy…I’ve used it as a way to deal with my own sexual trauma.”

At the end of the day, our fantasies tend to be mostly our imaginations running wild, but they might not be as unique as we think. There is nothing productive or helpful about shaming ourselves or others for sexual fantasies, even ones that might seem taboo. In fact, blaming ourselves for our fantasies can often lead to victim-blaming in real life. As shown, your fantasy, whether it involves BDSM, exhibitionism, or, in one student’s case, f**king Robbie Shapiro, is likely pretty normal, even if it may not seem that way.

Have you ever had a fantasy that you were scared to tell your partner about? Have you ever been ashamed of your sexual fantasies? Well, the truth is, your sexual fantasy may be more common than you realize. The study of sex, including sexual fantasies, is a bourgeoning interdisciplinary academic field in many colleges and universites. Dr. Justin Lehmiller’s book, “Tell Me What You Want: The Science of Sexual Desire and How It Can Help You Improve Your Sex Life,” is a groundbreaking study of over 4,000 Americans’ sexual fantasies. In this book, Lehmiller, a sex researcher and Kinsey Fellow, outlines eight common themes of sexual fantasies, providing data-backed research that shows how common most of our sexual fantasies are. Lehmiller hopes the study of sexual fantasies will receive more recognition from academic circles, so that everyone from your grandmother to your roommate can feel comfortable in their sexual fantasies. 

Some of the most common sexual fantasies include group sex (three or more people), consensual non-consent (being forced into a sexual act), exhibitionism (being watched during a sexual act) and voyeurism (watching a sexual act). Some incredibly common fantasies include the infliction of pain during sex, with 60 percent of survey respondents reporting having fantasized about inflicting pain on someone else during sex and 65 percent fantasized about having pain inflicted upon them during sex. Further, two-thirds of the women surveyed and more than half of the men reported fantasies about having sex forced upon them. According to Lehmiller, these fantasies are about power. He argues that “when someone is fantasizing about consensual non-consent (CNC), they’re in complete control of the situation, including who their partner is and how the situation unfolds. Sex isn’t truly being forced on them, so it bears no resemblance to rape or sexual assault in the real world.” In these fantasies, being submissive through CNC sex is something that the particpant fully understands and consents to. 

The shame that surrounds sexual fantasies only further represses and stigmatizes our sexual lives. Many of the women who have CNC sex fantasies feel deeply ashamed that they are bad feminists or that they are not supporting real-life victims of sexual assault and sexual violence. Many of these women are victims of sexual abuse themselves. Sexual fantasies may be real desires that one wishes to enact with a partner in a safe environment or wandering thoughts of interesting sexual situations. Simply fantasizing about an act does not mean that one truly wants to do said act. Those who fantasize about exhibitionism may be quite private in their real sexual lives. Those who fantasize about voyeurism may have no real desire to watch others have sex. The truth is, most sexual fantasies are more common than most people realize. Fantasies can provide opportunities for people to explore new identities, sexual or otherwise. For example, on an episode of Viceland’s “Slutever,” a Wall Street banker admitted to a sexual fantasy of being kidnapped and forced into CNC sex. Since he was in total control of every aspect of his life — in control of people’s finances, in control of people’s jobs, in control of a huge company — the idea of being powerless was exciting for him.  

By shaming others and ourselves for the fantasies we have, we only further repress our sexual selves. This repression can have detrimental effects on our mental health and our sexual satisfaction. Personally, I spent a long time shaming myself for my sexual fantasies and previous sexual experiences I’ve had. Dr. Lehmiller’s research helped me realize that my fantasies are super common and nothing to be ashamed of. Each person’s relationship to sex is unique; by accepting our sexual urges and fantasies, even ones that might feel shameful, not only will our sex lives improve, but we can also set ourselves free. 

Following the accident, Ostermann started calling himself Nicolas, after the Czar of Russia, who he claimed was an uncle. Nicolas divorced his husband and settled in the Chicago area, working as a set designer for theatrical productions. He also worked in interior design, mechanical and architectural drafting, and town planning; some of his clients included Macy’s and Gimbels.

At Wellesley, Ostermann was a German Major and involved on the Hockey team. He participated in Float Night as a substitute punter and was a member of Eliot Dorm, which was a dorm located around the corner from Scoop. He had a sister who was three years younger than him and also attended Wellesley. 

Nicolas began transitioning in the 1950s, following the car accident mentioned. He was placed in a sanatorium for “mental unwellness,” a diagnosis potentially related to his gender identity. While in the sanatorium, his mother wrote a letter on his behalf to the 1936 Class Council, informing them that Nicolas was disappointed and would not attend reunion.

In Ostermann’s own words he had a “near fatal injury in 1952, I discovered that I was not a woman at all. I have spent the years since that time piecing together what is certainly one of the most unusual histories in the annals of the human race.” Later in 1981, Ostermann called the experience an “unexpected, though not unhoped for, turn” and was “truly a blessing.” Describing his own gender identity, Nicolas said that he had to clarify often in communications with alums and administration that he “did not have a sex change. [He] had a sex revelation … I did turn out to be a male in disguise. In a different letter, he said, “As the world is full of imposters, it is important to know that Edith and Nicolas are one and the same person” 

Nicolas’s own journey to his gender identity can best be described in his own words. In 1964, Ostermann wrote a letter to a publication saying, “As each Christmas season has come and gone, I have despaired of making it to the next, not so much because I have not learned how to survive against the odds, but because my mind cannot blot out the memory and the promise of its rightful environment … I am settled, pending improvements, in an apartment in a part of Chicago relatively unfamiliar to me … I would give anything to be able to chat with you privately and tell you who I really am … I desperately need to know that is still a real world and that its doors are not barred against me. I have no such knowledge now … I’d like to thank you, severally and all for what I know you weren’t aware of providing, you gave me nourishment in a lifetime of starvation and I hope that somewhere on earth and in heaven you will be adequately rewarded for it.”

In 1996, Nicolas’s sister wrote to the Wellesley magazine about his death saying that “she was quite a memorable person.”

The life of N.E.B Ostermann challenges the traditional history of Wellesley and provides a unique story through which to reflect on our current environment for our non-binary and transgender siblings. Nicholas’s story is one that has been erased and pushed out of the narrative. Wellesley has always been an institution for those who faced misogyny and homophobia, and this is not a recent development. The administration and older alums believe that Wellesley has always been a place for women, but Nicolas’s story is one of many that have been recently uncovered. Through celebrating and recognizing the life of Nicolas Ostermann, we hope to celebrate all the unrecognized non-binary and transgender students and graduates and connect to those who came before us.

The rediscovery of N.E.B. Ostermann’s life could not be done without the efforts made by the Wellesley Archives Staff, Rebecca Goldman, Sara Goldman, Rebecca Ludovissy, and Natalia Gutiérrez-Jones.

Sara Davis ’20, a member of the committee that made the changes, suggested that students see this as a positive change and will take advantage of it in their studies. “When I’m in the dining hall or in my room, I get distracted talking to my friends or thinking about what I’m going to do this weekend. With this extra time in class, I’m really free to think about how deeply inconsequential everything that every single one of us does here is in the grand scheme of life!” Davis said.

With the addition of five minutes to each class, students now have more time to stare at the clock, wondering if any of this is worth it. Many students anticipate each class bringing more interesting time to spend thinking about how fleeting time is and how fragile our perceptions of reality truly are!

Those precious five minutes, which were previously used for such crucial activities as students giving themselves a pep talk in the mirror, contemplating dropping out and shotgunning iced coffee from the machine in Bates, will be sorely missed.

While many students are upset about the lack of transparency from administration, they are sure that the new schedule will be super annoying for everyone involved. While students are glad that Wellesley will remain an accredited university, it raises the question: is it worth it?

Perhaps the new class times will give students the perfect amount of time to form some major feelings of existential dread and, if we’re lucky, a total acceptance that nothing really matters and we’re all going to die anyway.

Sarah Leavy ’22 has been shocked since Friday evening when she met her roommate’s parents. After shaking hands with the frail Mr. and Mrs. Johnson, they offered her some dried prunes before sending their regrets about not being able to stay for her acapella concert that evening. As they left, worried about getting to their hotel before sunset, she had a moment of sheer realization.

“It was like, an epiphany,” Leavy recalled. “I finally understood why my roommate goes to sleep at 8 p.m. and eats nothing but soft foods. Now I’m glad that my parents couldn’t make it, because I would hate to see what my friends would be able to learn about me.”

Leavy’s experience has certainly inspired other Wellesley students. Rather than relying on astrological signs to explore their friend’s behaviors, a few students now plan on using the old-fashioned meeting the parents route. Ella Marquez ’21 fully anticipates that next year’s Family and Friends Weekend will help explain her roommate’s erratic behavior.

“I hope that meeting my roommate’s parents will help me get why she only wears pastels and constantly rants about ‘Gen Z culture,’” Marquez mused. “If I’m really lucky, they’ll offer some insight as to why she refuses to clean her side of the room and uses my desk as her personal coat rack.”

Studies have indicated that this trend is not unique to John. While one out of every one men are trash, there are abnormalities that indicate that even these men who take their privilege into account before commenting on feminism or movements for female equality still make every female in the room want to kill themselves.

“I understand why women would feel that way. Given that most spaces here are already male-dominated and that gender inequities within the workplace make their way into academic spheres as well, it’s difficult for women to assert themselves. That’s why I try to make spaces for women’s ideas to be heard and respected,” White said, while every female in the room collectively groaned.

Sharon Stevens ’20 said that at a frat party, White approached her and began asking her about herself and her interests. When she asked if he was a member of said fraternity, White responded, “No, I find the misogynistic culture within Greek Life to be counterproductive to the values of our university.”  He’s the absolute worst, am I right?

White even had a copy of The Feminine Mystique sticking out of his backpack, but it wasn’t enough to offset the overwhelming annoyance about such a self-aware, well-informed and overall good individual. Although White’s observations are correct, they remain super annoying for everyone to hear. Please John, for all our sakes, keep up the good work and shut the f*** up.

The debate has split the campus in half. You’re either pro-berry or anti-health. You’re either pro-berry or just complaining and should really be “grateful you’re at Wellesley with such amazing faculty and financial aid that allows you to be here,” one idiot said.

“I just don’t see the question here. I mean, both my parents attended Ivy League colleges, and I find the resources at Wellesley to be totally sufficient. All I ask is for some blueberries for my morning smoothie!” one anonymous student wrote on a discussion post.

While many student activists have been advocating for changes — such as making the Peter Pan bus free or providing more affordable resources for systematically underprivileged groups and better representation within the faculty — the pro-berry group feels that there are much more important matters to discuss.

“Why stop at berries? While we’re at it, we should add avocados to the list!” Jessica Wasserman ’20 said at a Town Hall hosted by Senate last week. Snaps were heard.

“The school only has so much money to give! After all, it’s not a charity,” Wasserman added and was swiftly punched in the face by another student.

The administration has yet to release an official statement regarding what some have coined “berrygate.” However, co-president of Mezcla Ava Cruz ’19 said that students are organizing a protest and asking administration to literally just give adequate resources to underrepresented and underfunded groups and organizations.

The vote will occur on Monday at the next Senate meeting. Meanwhile, debates continue to rage across campus about whether or not cherries are classified as a berry, as it seems to be a dealbreaker for many students.

“It’s up to the students now,” concluded President Johnson. “Personally, I’m more of a pineapple girl myself.”

Wendy Wang ’20 noted her discomfort at last year’s marathon when she cheered on runners and was often met with kisses on the cheek. While the kisses were consensual, she was unprepared for what came next.

“It was all fun and games until I looked down and saw my father’s New Balance sneakers. It was a nightmare,” Wang recalled.

She’s not alone. Many Wellesley students are hoping to enjoy the MarMon festivities but fear the inevitable moment of realizing they’re kissing someone who was alive when Kennedy was shot.

Excited to experience real college fun and scream until you lose your voice, but worried about seeing wrinkly hands that look a little too much like the ones that pushed you on the swing set? Don’t worry! We’ve got some tips for you.

1. Skip the sign. 

While you may think holding a sign that says, “Kiss me, I won’t tell your wife!” is funny and original, it’ll likely attract the dads in the race. Once you open yourself up to that, you’ll never get rid of the image of your own father hauling ass through the scream tunnel surrounded by hot Wendys.

2. Don’t look at anyone directly. 

Marathon runners are like strangers on the train. Don’t look at them in the eyes, or you’ll end up with a real, human interaction, or worse, eye contact that lasts more than one second. Then bam, Runner #227 is leaning in — is that Uncle Henry? Why are his lips so wet? Ew.

3. Close your eyes and picture someone else.

It’s a classic move we’re all guilty of during sex every once in a while. But hey, it works! Just close your eyes and picture your childhood crush. Personal suggestions include: David Beckham, Natalie Portman, Donald Glover or Kali Uchis!

4. Drink just enough so everyone sort of looks the same.

With enough day-drinking, everyone ends up looking pretty much the same. Too old to be running this marathon? Young enough to be in your MIT class? Chug another beer, and you won’t even know who’s who.

Follow these tips, and hopefully you’ll avoid any Freudian dilemas. Alternatively, only kiss the lady-runners and avoid thinking about your Aunt Mary while you lean in. If all else fails, stick to cheering in the back, and you’ll never have to picture your father kissing that girl in your English class who keeps making jokes about sleeping with the professor. Double Ew.