I hail from Duxbury, Massachusetts, a suburban community very similar to the town of Wellesley and only 45 minutes south of Wellesley College. I lived at home all my life, went to my local public high school and didn’t have to travel far to go to college. With that level of proximity, I probably saw my mom twice a week while studying at Wellesley. I am a student athlete on the field hockey team, so we can excuse my mom’s frequent visits as a desire to see her daughter play the sport she loves, but she and I both know that I would be seeing her just as often, if not more often, if I were not on a sports team. I am the only girl in my family, so my mom and I have always been allies, confidants and best friends. I would not change a thing about our relationship.

Leaving the comfort of the small bubble between my home and Wellesley was something I looked forward to when I went abroad, however, it was something I was also very nervous about. It was pretty much the same way I felt about going skydiving. I was nervous and excited before I left the ground, and as soon as I was up in the plane, I knew there was no turning back. With butterflies in my stomach, I made the leap into Aussie, in more than one way. I’ve always been very independent, but I never really had the chance to stand on my own and grow through that independence while I was in Massachusetts.

Now, I’m in a huge city on the other side of the world, marching to the beat of my own drum. Sure, I had some independence at Wellesley, but if I ever needed anything my mom would definitely be there. Now that I am here, I have to wait for the time zones to align for an appropriate time to call, and I only talk to my mom about issues after they have already been handled so that she doesn’t have to worry about me from thousands of thousands miles away.

I got away from home last summer when I lived at MIT, but I still saw my family every weekend when I went with my friends to Cape Cod. The separation from my family that I am currently experiencing has probably been the most jarring, but also the most necessary, aspect of my experience on the other side of the world. I can’t go home to spend a night in my own bed or for a home-cooked meal, I can’t meet my parents out for dinner on a random Wednesday night and I can barely make an unplanned phone call to them due to the drastic time difference. I miss my family, as most students who go abroad do, but I needed this separation. I am not texting my mom every single time I have a question about cooking or what I should say to a doctor. I am finding myself and further developing my personal accountability.

I suppose you could call this culture shock, in its own niche way, but I am going to call it growing up. If I had it my way, I would be able to call my family at the drop of a hat, but life, particularly life on the other side of the world, doesn’t always abide by what you want. This has proven to truly be the best thing in the world for me. I have been close to my family for my entire college experience and am finally experiencing life almost completely independently. Who knew it would take traveling to another hemisphere for me to fully encounter that?

The Dallas Cowboys running back Ezekiel Elliott has been caught up in a suspension saga for the better half of this year. This issue stems from an alleged instance of domestic violence against his former girlfriend. Tiffany Thompson filed a police report stating that Elliott had been violent with her over the course of five days in July 2016. There were witnesses, who did not corroborate her statements, and text messages, in which she asked her friend to lie to the police about what he did to her. Ultimately, legal charges were not brought against Elliott.

Despite Elliott getting off with no charges, the NFL has the right to suspend or punish any player that they deem to not be living up to the league’s code of conduct, “even where the conduct itself does not result in conviction of a crime.” Upon the NFL’s ruling of a six-game suspension, Elliott sued the NFL. On Sept. 8, Judge Amos Mazzant ruled in favor of  injunction for Elliott against the NFL, allowing him to play this season. On Oct. 12, his six-game suspension was reinstated by a panel of three judges of the fifth Circuit Court, effective immediately.

The National Football League Player’s Association (NFLPA) has now taken to federal court in New York seeking a temporary restraining order and permanent injunction in order to get him back on the field once more. The District Court in Texas has not dismissed the case to New York yet. Therefore, The New York court may elect not to rule on the restraining order until the Fifth Circuit issues its decision. The NFL has maintained that the ban will not be reversed, and Elliott will be sitting out the next six games of the season.

Given the state of Elliott’s accuser, it is likely that something physical happened between the two of them. She was covered in bruises, and while some maintained that she had been in a bar fight a few days prior, they were not all consistent with the description of what happened in that fight. It is critical to note that the accuser had much to lose by accusing Elliott of assault, as the justice system fails women every single day – especially a woman who accused the man who led the NFL in rushing yards and made it to the Pro Bowl in his rookie season.

On top of this, Elliott allegedly inappropriately touched a woman at a St. Patrick’s Day parade in March and punched a DJ at a bar in Dallas in July. He deserves this punishment of six games. He needs to make the transition from boy to man. He needs to recognize that even if he did not assault his former girlfriend, he cannot punch people because they make him angry. You cannot lay your hands on anyone and expect to go unpunished, even if you are an NFL superstar, and it is a positive change that the league is starting to act accordingly in these situations.

This is something that has been on my mind for a long time. Since coming to college, though, I have garnered experience that I feel makes me more qualified and more impassioned to write on the subject. I was hesitant to write about this due to the fact that most things that correlate with sex are sensitive subjects. I realized, though, that the gender inequality and social stigma that accompanies the idea of the ‘walk of shame’ is something that necessitates acknowledgement.

The walk of shame is generally when a woman leaves the room of her sexual partner after a long night of drinking, partying, and well, sex, and makes her way back to her room to sleep off her hangover and gossip with her friends. This person with whom she graced her body could have been a one night stand or a long time significant other, but it does not matter. People stare at this girl in judgement, labeling her a “slut,” yet most would not say something negative about a male leaving someone’s place in the early hours. It is deemed ‘cool’ for a guy to have sex, and his friends are going to give him props for it. That guy is a conqueror.  According to of “Sexual Double Standards: A Review and Methodological Critique of Two Decades of Research” by Mary Crawford and Danielle Pop, “Sexually active women were considered less popular among both sexes than sexually active men.” Additionally, “Women who changed sex partners a number of times during the year were rated as more irresponsible and as having less self respect than men who engaged in the same behaviors.”  In their further analysis of a study performed by R.R. Milhausen and E.S. Herold, an overwhelming number of participants (95%) believed that there is “a double standard for sexual behavior (a standard in which it is more acceptable for a man to have had more sexual partners than a woman).”

There is nothing wrong with someone partaking in consensual, safe, quality sex. I acknowledge that sex in college often involves alcohol, which is problematic because this can get in the way of consent. But we must move towards supporting women’s choices about their sex lives and promoting safe sex through positive attitudes rather than confronting the issue with judgmental and alienating words. Who are we to judge someone for their actions behind closed doors? Finding men can be a bit challenging at an all women’s college. Hanging out with guys while attending Wellesley becomes a production; either they come here or we go there, so when the opportunity to hangout with guys presents itself, many may want to make the most of it. For them, that may mean spending the night, whether or not one has sex.

Even at coeducational schools. though, why does anyone care that this person had sex last night? Sex is not a bad thing; sex is a beautiful thing. Choosing to have sex, whether it be casual or not, is a personal decision that should not be judged, just like choosing not to have sex is a personal decision that should not be judged. I can do as I please with my body and the main reason for that is because it is my body; it is not my parent’s body, my friend’s body, my partner’s body, it is my body. I dress it, shave it, exercise it, and take care of it in all forms, so why should someone else have the right to dictate what I do with it sexually? My brothers have never had to answer to anyone about why they want to have sex, so why should I? While I do not blame my parents for this, as they are simply molded by societal expectations, my brothers and I are treated far differently when it comes to our interactions with members of the opposite sex (as we are all heterosexual). While I have never been allowed to have a boy in my room alone, my older brothers have been hanging out with girls behind closed doors without any supervision for years. I am in college and often find myself thinking, “Oh, is that allowed? Am I able to go hangout with guys on my own? Would my mom be okay with it? Would my dad?” I am legally an adult, so why do my parent’s rules and societal norms still affect me?

In Corinna Clendenen’s piece “Walk of Shame for Men? There is None,” written for The Huffington Post: Canada, she asked “Why does the social stigma against the sexually active woman persist?” She added “Female characters in literature with multiple lovers meet sorry ends. Anna Karenina and Madame Bovary commit suicide, Hester Prynne is branded with a scarlet letter, Anna in Sue Miller’s The Good Mother has her young daughter taken away from her.” Women in literature that are often found in the classroom are scorned for their behavior, but no one cares to judge the males whom these women engaged in sexual intercourse with. The escapades of men are celebrated. “Literature and lyrics are full of tales of male virility. From the exploits of Don Juan and Casanova to James Bond and even JFK, the male taste for variety in women is the stuff of legend, often told with no more than a nod and a wink for their bad boy practices,” said Clendenen. “These stories are accepted, even lauded,” thus leaving young girls to question what they can and cannot do with their bodies, with regard to society’s expectations, that is. 

The more the better is the case when it comes to men. Yet for women, it seems as though we are supposed to keep that number as low as possible. This idea that women should be virginal and pure is so suffocating, so let’s break down that glass ceiling that shuts us in and have as much sex as we (and our partners) please. That’s not to say that we should have sex just to have sex. Have sex because you want to, have sex because you are physically attracted to someone and the offer is on the table and every part of you is telling you that you should. Do not let societal bindings be so oppressive and define what you can and cannot do with your body. Take that stride of pride all you want. Or, if you’re off campus, take that bus (or Uber) ride of pride, because this is your life and your body, and you get to choose what you do with it.

Photo courtesy of Fitzop