The following evaluation is intended to help the college better understand your educational experience. Your honest and unfiltered feedback is deeply valued. Read the statements below and choose the rating that best reflects your experience in this course.

Not very true for me | Somewhat true for me | Very true for me

Clarity, Responsiveness, and Feedback:

• I found my professor weirdly hot
• I understood they are middle-aged and have a wife and children
• I felt that the instructor would take the time to talk to me if I needed and asked for help
• I abused that fact to get extra face time with them
• They gently recommended I stop dropping by their office hours as much
• I received timely and constructive feedback

Course Engagement:

• I came to class prepared to talk over everyone else
• I was actively engaged in psychological warfare against my peers to ensure I was the instructor’s sole focus during class 

Inclusive Classroom Environment:

• My instructor created an inclusive learning environment where everyone felt welcomed and accepted
• I did everything in my power to disrupt and dismantle this environment
• I felt encouraged by my instructor to continue with my antics, even when they “suggested” I stopped (cus some of my peers were jealous)
• I had opportunities to interact positively with my peers in this course.
• I had no choice but to fight them.

According to some, the pace at which my infatuation our relationship moved was:

• Too slow
• About right
• Too fast

For me, the level of difficulty of following my instructor home was:

• Too easy
• About right
• Too difficult

For me, the attention my instructor gave me the night of April 22 was:

• Too little 
• About right
• Too much

Time Investment:

During the week leading up to that night, I spent:

Approximate hours in their trunk _____

Approximate hours in their yard _____

Approximate hours in their bedroom when they weren’t there _____

Please sign your name below to confirm that the above facts of this written confession are true and that you wish to plead Not Guilty by Reason of Insanity.

X

For this week’s column, I’m focusing on the question of what bringing your off-campus boy-toy into our sacred space entails, and sprinkling in some advice along the way. To inform this column I spoke with past and present boyfriend havers, observers/those who have never had or wanted to bring a boyfriend to our hallowed halls, and last but indeed least, a few current Wellesley boyfriends (their handlers were nice enough to let them out of their cages).

To set the scene, seemingly every other month a new post on Sidechat sparks outrage about boyfriends on campus. These posts usually range from girlfriends complaining about getting weird looks to observers expressing discomfort about having to see boyfriends in the dorms, particularly in the bathroom. In the words of Jesus, a house divided cannot stand. Today, I intend to install some columns and strengthen the structural integrity of our divided house, and maybe, just maybe, turn it into a divided home. 

As someone who has both brought boyfriends here (not at the same time #notpoly), and also frequently looks at boyfriends on campus, I’ve always been able to empathize with both sides of the debate. Maybe it’s because I’m generally oblivious, but I personally cannot recall a time when a boyfriend and I have received glares or weird looks; however, I can imagine how uncomfortable it would be to be on the receiving end of those stares. I remember when I first brought a boyfriend here, I felt self-conscious, I didn’t want to be seen walking with him to and from the alumni loco stop. It felt like walking down a poorly lit street at night, never knowing what cool gay person might pop out from the shadows and judge me. This feeling of preemptive embarrassment was echoed by most of the current and former boyfriend-havers I spoke to. This could stem from internalized heterophobia, or more likely a feeling of responsibility, both to our community and for our boyfriends’ actions. 

What if he does something wrong? What if he accidentally says something offensive? As a former girlfriend put it perfectly, “I have to media-train them before they get here.” At Wellesley, we hold ourselves to a high standard that even the most polite, well-intentioned woke boyfriend might not meet. To quell worries, I recommend reviewing the basics: remind him of your friends’ preferred pronouns and that we’re a historically women’s college. This will help ease his nerves, too.

100% of the Wellesley boyfriends who gave me a comment remarked that they feel nervous on campus. Another interesting data analysis reveals that 86% of Wellesley boyfriends have four-letter names. The mode of this data set is Mike, with three separate instances within the past year. I also find it not to be statistically insignificant that these names tend to be verbs like Drew, Will, Jack… interesting. Anyway, getting back to the nervous thing, one boyfriend describes his approach by saying “the best Wellesley boyfriend is the one you don’t know exists,” and his owner, sorry, girlfriend, adds that “he is frightened of being seen too often.” 

Feeling out of place seems to be a common theme, with one of the Mikes equating the awkwardness and uneasiness he feels to “when you go into a room expecting it to be empty, but it’s actually full of people.” How poetic.

Another girlfriend spoke for her man saying “he didn’t think he was allowed to come on campus, and was worried people would be mean to him, but once he came over a couple of times he started getting more comfortable.” She added that “as a Babson frat man I think he feels like he might be the antichrist to this campus, but I think we are more accepting of him than he expected.” 

So what is it that they’re afraid of??

One boyfriend, who follows his girlfriend around “like a little duckling,” is even uneasy going for seconds in the dining hall without her. She thinks it’s “because of all the stares he gets,” although she admits “it’s part of the campus culture. I love staring at other people’s significant others cause I’m just nosey like that.” This is how many of us on campus feel.

When I see a boyfriend, I’ll be the first to admit that I do look at them. I’ll confess, sometimes I’ll even look them up and down, not to convey a message of “you’re not welcome here,” but rather, I’m evaluating if they are hot or not, especially if they are with their partner. 

My eyes linger, not out of malice, but out of inquisitiveness. As one observer put it, they have a “morbid curiosity.” Another non-boyfriend-haver said, “it’s like seeing a lost dog, or an alien species, I guess.” “I’m not criticizing, I’m assessing his vibe. Is he chill? Can I tell what school he goes to? Is he attractive? Is he hot enough to be with his girlfriend?” All this points to a shocking conclusion: is being a Wellesley boyfriend as close as a man can get to experiencing what it’s like to be a woman in the real world?

So yes, there is a certain fascination that accompanies seeing young cis men on campus. It’s not a daily occurrence, and it’s only natural that our eyes fall upon them. But these glances aren’t inherently negative, so in a sense, we boyfriend-havers have pathologized ourselves.

On the other hand, one girlfriend explained that she is often the one who receives the glares, not her boyfriend. She also told me about a time at steps when a group of first-years wouldn’t stop yelling amongst themselves “why the fuck is there a man here,” but didn’t say anything directly to the couple or the large group they were in. As an interracial couple, she and her boyfriend can’t help but suspect “some of it could be racism as well and not just misandry vibes.” 

The last thing to address here is the bathroom issue. As is policy, boyfriends should use the bathrooms labeled “sibs and guests,” however, that isn’t always realistic. The boyfriend without a four-letter name explained that his girlfriend lives on the fifth floor, and the only guest bathroom is on the first floor. I think we can all agree that it’s unreasonable to expect him to make that voyage consistently. 

To mitigate the Sidechat commenters’ worries, I think it’s best practice to accompany your boyfriend to the communal bathroom during normal hours, when your hallmates might also be there. This is obviously easier if you synchronize your pee schedules, although number two is harder to coordinate.

To all the boyfriend-havers, for the sake of you, your boyfriend, and your sibs, you should face your homonormativity fears and all the looks. Just let your boyfriend be Velcroed to you (he wants to anyway). And to the observers and so-called boyfriend haters, understand that, like it or not, men are here to stay. They’re out there in the real world, and sometimes they’re here too.

Though he gave me the ick, he also gave me an idea for my column. Today, I’ll be delving into the world of uncontrollable turn-offs: when is it okay to pull back, and how might you manage your disgust? 

Icks are like snowflakes; each is unique, and I still don’t understand where they come from. But I do know not all icks were created equal. Some are much easier to overlook while others will leave you with an everlasting visceral feeling of repulsion. All my ick anecdotes involve men, so I surveyed some friends, hoping to gain insight into icks across the spectrum; however, only two stories involved non-men. That’s not to say only men are icky, but my inquiry indicates it’s a male-dominated field. So apologies in advance for this article’s heteronormativity, but data doesn’t lie: men are more objectionable than any other gender identity. 

To aid in my investigation of how best to handle them, I’ve identified five ick categories: Visual-Abominations, Actions/Behaviors, Utterances, Interests, and Character Traits. The classification of your ick alone doesn’t determine the best course of action; other crucial factors include when it emerges in your relationship, whether it’s a one-time issue or pattern, the ick-giver’s ability––and willingness––to change, and your willingness to compromise.

Starting with the most surmountable. Visual-abomination icks mainly stem from alterable aspects of one’s appearance. I got the ick when my highschool boyfriend showed up to meet my friends for the first time in the ugliest, foot-long-inseam golf shorts known to man. I subtlely suggested we go shopping together, but the more I looked at them, the more explicit I made myself, ultimately telling him to never wear them again. Later, I forced him to buy shorts that he was probably at least mildly uncomfortable in, but that was the only solution.

Unfortunately, not all partners are receptive to critique. One friend responded to my inquiry with a screenshot of this tweet and one follow-up sentence. “He was too into Top Gun”

She’d been seeing this guy pretty casually for a month when he sprouted ’stache. She decided that rather than just telling him she didn’t like his inauthentic display of manliness, she’d instead complain that it scratched her when they kissed. He countered by remarking how many people (other girls) kept telling him he looked like Miles Teller. Two dates later, they were done––not just because of the facial hair, although it did continue to bother her. She handled this perfectly: it was, in the grand scheme, quite a low-level annoyance; she conveyed her displeasure with it, and being that their relationship wasn’t serious, she didn’t have the jurisdiction to flat-out tell ask him to shave.

But what if it’s not such an easy fix? Scenario: you’re in a committed and otherwise great relationship when you and your partner hit the club. You are astounded and appalled by how much your partner’s dance moves resemble that of a middle-aged man. What do you do? Ask yourself: ‘Do they know how bad they are?’ ‘Can I laugh at them freely?’ ‘Do they take themselves too seriously, or would they laugh with me?’ How often do you foresee going out dancing with them in the future, and can you train yourself to be amused rather than ashamed? To summarize, investigate how much of a dealbreaker it is. If you’re the type to go out every weekend and you’re having a tough time shaking the ick, you might reconsider sharing this aspect of your lifestyle with them.

Next, actions or behaviors that give you the ick are usually the most clear-cut. Icky actions that happen once are the easiest to ignore; you might only need to intervene if it becomes a pattern. Examples include doing finger guns or being rude to waiters. Often the ick-giver is amenable, but in the cases when they aren’t, you can take that as an indication that their character’s flawed. Learn from my friend who encountered a “man who would meow,” when she told him to stop “he meowed in response.” This interaction revealed his freakish nature.

Check back in next cycle to learn more about how to handle category-five icks (Utterances, Interests, and Character Traits).

For the past few months, I’ve been quietly keeping predictions to myself, but now I’m breaking my silence as more evidence rolls in. When I say ’80s fashion, I know most of you think of something akin to neon leotards and leg warmers, but there’s so much more: bold silhouettes, sequins, color blocking, workwear, and yes – shoulder pads.

Where We’re Coming From

For the better part of the past decade, Americans have been inundated with fashion heavily inspired by the 1970s: long, flowy skirts, earthy naturals, platform mules/clogs, western boots and belts, and a revival of crochet and knitwear. The ’70s didn’t just influence our fashion; we’ve seen a ’70s revival in culture and media: think “Daisy Jones & the Six,” “The Holdovers” and “A Complete Unknown,” the new Bob Dylan biopic.

Where We’re Going

Rather than continuing with the ’70s trend, the Fall/Winter 2024-25 runways screamed what I’ve been whispering for months… the 1980s are back: bold browns, electric greens, dazzling purples, shimmering fabrics, brash blazers, and unapologetically chunky jewelry. The Spring 2025 shows doubled down with dramatic sleeves, ruffles galore, sheer and mesh fabrics, ostentatious florals, geometric motifs, polka dots and large collars.

What’s more, the cinematic world isn’t far behind. “The Substance” (2024) –– starring Margaret Qualley alongside ‘80s icons Demi Moore and Dennis Quaid –– channels the TV aerobics-craze pioneered by Jane Fonda and Richard Simmons. 

Why and What Will It Look Like?

Studies have indicated that fashion trends follow alongside economic ones: when the economy goes down, heels get higher, hair gets shorter, hemlines get longer, and overall, the pendulum swings back into a more conservative style. 

While the 1980s were characterized by a booming stock market which gave way for bold colors and big statements, it is unclear if everything from the ’80s will return this go around, given our current financial climate. After the peak of the coronavirus pandemic in 2020, former President Biden rebuilt parts of the American economy to the point of outperforming the rest of the world. Despite such, mainstream dialogue surrounding the everyday price of goods caused the economy to become the number one issue on voters’ minds this past election. Although President Trump will inherit the growing economy that Biden left behind, economists predict that Trump’s imposed tariffs on China, Mexico, and Canada will significantly affect consumer prices. The “Hemline Index”, transitioning from micro-mini skirts of the past few years to the new high-low and midi-length revival, could indicate the environment of mass economic uncertainty. 

If you’re like me, the first thing I think of when I think of the ’80s is big hair, and the second is the corporate “9 to 5” culture where women flooded en masse into the workforce: riding the second wave of the 1970s, women were educated and for the first time ever, legally protected from employment discrimination. This new ability to obtain success, coupled with the desire to take up space in the office as men did, culminated in the legendary “power suit”. Vogue’s October 1985 editorial spread titled “Power Dressing” displays women hovering above men with text reading, “The women dressing to be noticed … and gain the upper hand. Men can fuel fantasy. But women set the direction … and the tone. You get the sense that things are changing.” 

Following suit (pun intended), designers like Claude Montana, Emanuel Ungaro, Theirry Mugler, Jean Paul Gaultier, and Yves Saint Laurent launched collections containing exaggerated boxy shapes, harsh angles, bright colors and peplums –– all of which blur the lines of traditional men’s workwear with women’s high fashion, letting the wearer declare her power via her wardrobe.

So now, with current and imminent threats

facing women’s autonomy, I find it the least bit surprising that blazers, shoulder pads, and double-breasted silhouettes have started to reappear.

Viva la power suit, viva la 80s.

Contact the editor responsible for this article: Ivy Buck 

“This revolutionary facility was designed to ensure that our students can enjoy their guilt-free hedonism without compromising their campus cred as activists,” explained a spokesperson for the college. “By severing their normie inclinations from their wokie sensibilities, students can indulge in their typical Prime Day festivities, then critique Amazon’s labor practices and capitalist excess mere minutes later.” If that sounds like business as usual to you, you’re not entirely wrong, except in this case, wokies don’t have to bear the burden or take accountability for their normies’ misdeeds. Remember, self-condemnation is one of the biggest barriers to condemning the people who are actually culpable: the companies.

This preliminary program has already proven incredibly successful, with all 100 wokies reporting that their new winter wardrobes are from hours of scavenging the BU GoodWill bins and not, in fact, Mommy and Daddy.

Despite the seemingly flawless execution of this trial, there are murmurs of dissatisfaction among the student body. “It’s great in theory,” said one sophomore, who preferred to stay anonymous as her normie self just returned from Aspen. “But somehow, we never actually make it to any protests. We plan them in detail, sure, but as soon as the Loco turns right on Central Street, then boom, I regain consciousness in the back of an uber black in front of my dorm. My hands, once clutching a megaphone and list of demands, now grasp onto a Brandy Melville shopping bag and Starbucks Iced Brown Sugar Oatmilk Shaken Espresso.” 

Critics argue that while the Severed Dormitory is a bold stride towards reconciling capitalist indulgences with social activism, it might be too effective at compartmentalizing students’ lives. “Our wokies are top-notch — they can add an -x to any gendered term. But my normie keeps subscribing to ‘Girlbosses at Goldman’ email lists,” remarked another student, furiously knitting what she believes to be a reclaimed yarn sweater.

In spite of the potential minor pitfalls, our online survey respondents remind us just how meaningful these technological advancements are. “The work we’re doing is really important,” wrote Connie Dissonance ’25 ((she/they) normie) & ((they/she) wokie) “we know it’s important because we can’t know anything about it.” It remains unclear whether Connie’s wokie or normie self was at the helm when they (collective?) wrote this.

*Correction: this is not the first time the Severance Procedure has been conducted at Wellesley. It is confirmed that the college had initially conducted trials during covid, but had to table it due to the wokies, en masse, reporting their normies for leaving campus.

First off, a big thank you to everyone who filled out the Google form following my inaugural column. The three of you have asked for discussions on “situationships,” “exes” and the ever-polarizing “Valentine’s Day.” Although I could dedicate a whole column to each of these topics (and probably will at a later date), I am currently drawn to what I see as a common thread among them: labels.

Labels play a significant role in how we participate in and navigate our own romantic lives. We imbue them with power to help articulate something about ourselves: our sexuality , our current status or how someone else fits into our lives.

So what purpose do these labels serve? Let’s unpack this, shall we?

The portmanteau “situationship,” as you already know, describes the genre of relationships that linger in the grey area of casually seeing someone. It’s the relationship equivalent of an unpaid internship –– sure you’re gaining a little experience out of it, but is it really worth it if all you end up feeling is exploited? Previous generations simply referred to this ambiguous dynamic as “kind of seeing someone,” or a “what-is-this-even-anyway.” It is my belief that our generation cannot handle the unknown, and it is this discomfort with uncertainty –– the hovering in the nebulous realm between “friends with benefits” and “in a relationship” –– that has compelled us to label it. 

In my mind, the defining characteristic of a situationship is stagnation. It leads to nowhere, and might not even have a proper conclusion. When it’s all over, who was that person to you? Can you label them an ex, despite your entire relationship having been unlabeled? Instead of being left with nothing but an unsatisfactory chain of “hey what are you up to tonight,” we use the label of situationship to convince ourselves that our time wasn’t (entirely) wasted.

The term “ex” helps define what someone was to you, and aids your ability to move on. There is a complex transition that accompanies that word’s usage, and labeling someone an ex helps turn the page, acknowledging that the time shared is in the past. It also gives us a blank check on how we might further categorize this person and their influence, using qualifiers (i.e. “crazy ex,” “favorite ex” or “evil ex”) to place them more neatly into our personal history books. 

And, finally, we arrive at Valentine’s Day, the label we’ve given to February 14. It’s a day when love is both celebrated and commodified, and regardless of our feelings about it, we’re expected to have a stance. The discourse around the holiday often forces us into a dichotomy of loving or hating it, but I suggest a third option: ambivalence or indifference. Even if you are in a relationship on Feb. 14, you might feel tremendous pressure to live up to what you think the holiday demands.

So, why do we cling to these labels? They simplify the complexities of human relationships into bite-sized, digestible pieces. Without them, we might actually have to confront the messy, unscripted reality of our interactions. While labels can guide us, they can also confine us. They can reduce our rich, dynamic experiences to mere performances. So, as we toss around terms like “situationships” and debate the merits of celebrating Valentine’s Day, let’s remember that behind every label is a story as unique as the people who live it.

So this Valentine’s Day, if you want it to mean something, you can choose to embrace and celebrate all the love in your life. Otherwise, label it as the day before chocolate goes on sale for 50% off.

Nothing says “young love” quite like the gentle ambiance of a fluorescent-lit communal bathroom, the distant crash of a flushing toilet and the steady drip of a perpetually clogged sink. Yet, here we are — haunted by the noise of squeaking shower shoes.

Apparently, it’s not just the soapy floors that are slippery these days — it’s the boundaries of public decency. Our communal bathrooms have become less about getting clean and more about getting … well, closer. I can’t help but wonder: are these instances of steamy stall encounters a case of spontaneous passion, a rebellion against RA decorum, or simply a misguided attempt to save water during this ongoing drought? 

Whatever the reason may be, I have a message for all my fellow sibs looking to get dirty while sudsy:

Please, for everyone’s sake, turn the knob clockwise and shut this down.

It is gross, not only for any innocent bystander who happens to mistakenly wander into your DIY love den but also for you. Believe it or not, a bathroom used by a minimum of 20 people daily is not the most sanitary of places. Furthermore, you may have forgotten, but we have had a myriad of plumbing problems this year alone (poop surfacing in Claflin and Bates showers, E. coli in the water). The activities you’ve been participating in involve a lot more exposure to (and probably accidental consumption of) our very questionable water supply, and if that’s a risk you’re willing to take, you’ve got more problems than the practice exam I’m currently procrastinating.

I thought it would be helpful to give you freaks a few tips for getting it on while cohabitating, coming from an expert … in dorm living. 

In lieu of the shower, might I point you in the direction of your bed? Your bed is the perfect place to privately enjoy your company. Follow the correct protocol: if you have a roommate, and you happen to be shagging someone other than them, do the right thing and send them a courtesy text. Might I suggest an ever-classy, “hey, can I have the room from 8:00-10:00 p.m. tonight?”

Put a time cap on it, and stick to it.

Next, keep in mind that our walls are quite thin. To be respectful to your neighbors, you should keep your enthusiasm to a meaningful yet passionate 3.5/10, but if you absolutely must (fake it) max out at a 6/10. Nobody wants to hear your fun from the hallway and trust me, and you do not want to be known as the ‘loud room.’ This situation could, unfortunately lead to your roommate not wanting to lend you their room for a few hours. 

If your roommate declines, consider asking your partner to go to their own room. Worst case scenario, and I mean WORST, you could have a “stargazing picnic” –– grab a blanket and a speaker and venture off into a secluded spot in the woods, where at least nobody will interrupt you to brush their teeth.

Have fun but save the shower-specific fun for a more private residence.

Coincidentally, she will also be the first White House staffer to be paid entirely in Kohl’s Cash.

That’s right, Pre-Ozempic Paula Deen says she humbly accepts this role, and when asked what she’ll be bringing to the table, she simply responded, “Casserole.” 

Donald Trump chooses NY Rep. Elise Stefanik as incoming U.N. Ambassador. You might not remember her name, but you probably recognize her face from the antisemitism on campus congressional hearings and the overbite “before” photo hanging in your orthodontist’s office. Regardless, this DEI hire can’t wait to slam the door behind her!

Donald Trump chooses former ICE Director and star of “Paul Blart: Mall Cop” (2009) Tom Homan as his incoming Border Czar.

When asked about Trump’s controversial family separation policy, Blart, sorry, Homan responded by saying the cause is near and dear to his heart, seeing as his (ex) wife and kids won’t talk to him.

“He’s gonna go wild on health,” Trump said with a wink, talking, of course, to the parasitic worm currently residing in RFK Jr’s head. After learning it was not, in fact, a “Ratatouille type of situation” as he had assumed, Trump thought carefully and has since rescinded his offer.

Trump tasks Elon Musk to lead new department, “Government Efficiency Commission.” Musk was hesitant to accept the position and told reporters he was hoping to wait for the Commission to be further established, at which point he could step in and purchase the government office, attaching his name and taking credit for any previous progress. 

Further, Elon mentioned how his father and grandfather’s ties to the South African government helped them greatly profit off of Apartheid, and said he “can’t wait to continue their Musky legacy.”

Donald Trump named Stephen Miller as his Deputy Chief of Staff for policy. A Trump staffer reported, “he actually wasn’t the first choice, Dr. Evil has retired so we had to settle for the mini me.”

“There’s always something sneaky going on behind that big ass forehead, and I like that.” Said Trump. In response, Miller just grinned.

7. MAGA-zine making: Launching WIFF (pioneered by Wellesley Intellectuals For Fascism (WIFF)

As creative director for the new Wellesley Intellectuals For Fascism (WIFF) initiative, I spent my summer rummaging through the storage lockers containing all of the books that were removed from Clapp for renovations. Before picking out which ones we should burn, I went through and found a bunch of pages with super cute illustrations for my zine-making workshop next week! Hope to see you there!

6. JD Vance’s Makeup Artist

As a Theatre Studies major & poli sci minor, getting to intern with such a high-profile celebrity right off the bat was an amazing opportunity. Through this truly immersive experience, I was able to master the art of the no-makeup-makeup-look. At first, he was resistant to anything besides his signature smoldering “guyliner,” but by the end, we worked our way up to a full twelve-step glam beat.

He even let me try out my stage prosthetic work-—with just a little strategic brown eyeshadow and some silicon, I was able to transform his hands into that of a working man. I couldn’t have done this without the help of Career Services, who gave me such great advice on how to cater my resume to the applications like: ‘Ctrl + F’ for “Wellesley College,” then ‘Ctrl + Shift + V “The Ohio State University.”

5. Double Double Agent: My immersive summer going undercover as an undercover documentary crew

My passion for investigative journalism hit a wall after exploring traditional avenues like print media and TikTok man-on-the-street style, so I turned to documentaries.

My angle: I’d be posing as a college student looking to gain some experience through an internship with an undercover documentary crew. Career Ed helped me come up with an alias, falsify a transcript and look over “my” cover letter. While my subjects/ coworkers worked tirelessly, secretly capturing film of some cult they’d been infiltrating, I did some investigating of my own: What is the true lived experience of a documentarian? Is this a job I could envision for myself? What is the starting salary? Ultimately, I uncovered that undercover work isn’t for me, since apparently posting regular updates to LinkedIn is frowned upon.

4. Kamala HQ (TikTok commenter)

This summer, while my fellow sibs took on Wellesley in Washington, I fulfilled my civic duties by actively commenting on every Kamala Coconut Tree edit. I reposted every “brat” remix with great fervor and got a $5,000 stipend from Career Ed! #SignatureInternship

3. Doing Drugs (full time)

I got to pursue my passion!

2. Trump’s Neurologist

I’m going to be honest: I was a little late to the whole finding an internship thing; furthermore, there weren’t many opportunities for Creative Writing majors like myself. That being said, I really enjoyed how immersive this internship was. I’d recommend this position to any students looking for a viable yet undemanding side gig.

1. Amplifying Queer Voices

As an ally working with Wellesley’s LGBTQ Center I realized the best thing I can do (other than listening) is just putting in the work to make sure the contributions of gay people are heard. That’s why I spent my summer repeating everything my queer sibs said, only louder. Being a human megaphone isn’t always easy, but it sure feels good for the soul!!

Tanners of notable mention:

Awards for…

• Most inspiring:
  • Drop shipping via TikTok shop
• Most worthwhile:
  • Tanning
• Greatest community impact:
  • Timothee Chalamet Look Alike Contest pub chair
• Most creative:
  • Blake Lively PR Advisor
• Most lucrative:
  • Campaigning for Jill Stein
• Most exhausting:
  • Meta intern (scrolled on IG all summer

Thank you Career Ed & Beyoncé! We couldn’t have done this without you!

Meanwhile, Babson paid their way to No. 2, monumentally marking the only time in history Babson men didn’t come first!

Shocking: New Jersey resident and infamous club promoter Eric Adams has been Mayor this whole time???

Worst dress to impress round ever?

Theme: PERSONALITY HIRE